Judge the Mommy

So  I was reading this article a while back about how Mommy's are their own and each other's worst enemy.

In an age of choices... we are reduced to judging based on our personal parenting choices. For example; Research (conclusive research that is clear and evidenced based) can be found and spouted to back every sleep theory under the sun.  And so what is the result?  One Mother determines that Ferber's 'cry it out theory' is best for her  - while her Mommy friend down the road determines that Dr. Sears has is right with his theory on baby sleep and parent attachment and is going to use his methods. What should be a simple case of choice, each parent determining in their own right what works best for their home, turns into a Judging session.  Whether silently and behind the other mother's back - "Can you BELIEVE Suzie? What kind of mother allows her child to just cry!" or even better when the judgements are delivered in sly and underhanded modes - "I just COULDN'T let my child cry.. I'm just too tenderhearted and that would just hurt too much. But whatever works best for you..."

Why do we do it to each other?  Why do we constantly judge one another's parenting strategies?  And don't sit there reading - thinking (oh I NEVER do that... )  you do... I do... we ALL DO!  As the article I was reading went on - it pointed out one fact that I had never really considered before.  We judge others because we are so insecure in our own parenting decisions.  By judging others, pointing out their faults we feel that we DO measure up as parents .. because at least we never do that!!!!  And more importantly.. its just the Mommy's (for the most part) why is that?  Think about it. If a child goes to school with an unhealthy lunch, what do you hear? "what kind of mother sends her child with just this for lunch?"  Right? Note here that you instantly think of whom? THE MOTHER! Dad's are never judged with that same pen are they?  Even today, where the average family is made up of a full time working Mom and Dad, Mom's are still carrying the burden of raising the kids. If they mess up - it's the Mom's fault, if the child is mouthy - it's the Mom's fault - if they child disobeys, acts up in school - clearly Mom is not doing something right.

In my opinion, it's time to give yourself a break and realize that you're not alone as parents! There are two of you (i realize that often there is one absentee parent) to share the burden.  So Mom's if you have a partner in your life, lean on him!  Don't put all the pressure on yourself to raise perfect little people, to dot all the 'i's' and cross all the 't's'. NEWS FLASH you are human! :)

I believe that the first step to ceasing the whole judging cycle we Mom's play starts at home. Stop judging yourself. Stop comparing everything you do with what your friend does with her child. (whether you come out the winner or not!)

The other day I was chatting with some friends about parenting strategies and one lady said something that I thought was profound, she said, "I think its sad when a parent makes a parenting choice that goes against their intuition simply based on what other's are doing."

Mama's - you have been given a blessing and a huge responsibility - your children.  And noone will stand to account for how you raised your child other than you - SO make your decisions based on what you feel is best - don't compare yourself with others and GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! :)

I apologize for my ranting tonight...

To all the parents out there who read my blog - I wish you all a wonderful judgefree day tomorrow.
Enjoy being the best parent you can possibly be. And remember at the end of the day - your child will remember one thing - how much he/she was loved.

Goodnight friends